Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Second 10 Jokes

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1 - Joking in the playground 

Three kids chatting in the playground.
- My father said the first, is so strong that swallows the smoke from his cigarette by mouth and spits it by the nose!
- Wow, that sucks. Mine, it swallowed by mouth and spits out the ears ...
- You tell bullshit, said the third. By cons, mine, he swallowed by mouth and he spits out the behind!
- The other two: No matter what, it is not possible !! The third spell underpants from his father his cartable.- And that's not traces of nicotine, perhaps?

 2 - Joke of the bus driver 

Do you know the joke of the bus driver? i dont no?
I either I was in the back of the bus!

 3 - Baker

A lady reproached his baker
- I'm sorry to tell you, but your bread is stale!
- A little respect, ma'am, I made bread before you soyiez born!
- Precisely what I blame you is not selling it now!

 4 - This is a guy who is at the hairdresser

This is a guy who is the barber and the barber who cut asks what he wants.
The guy replies: "I would like: Shaved on the left side, banana but just right and wrong, the brush on top but with a hole in the middle, the bald neck but with a few clumps here and there.
The barber replied that, this is not possible because it is not a cut.
The guy replies: Oh yeah, yet that is what you did to me last time ..

Funny Jokes

 5 - This is a guy who is invited to a big party.

This is a guy who is invited to a big party.
An hour after the start of the evening, he goes to the bathroom. He notices that the guy peeing next to him two jets.
- What is ....?
- Ah, my young lil is a war wound ...
An hour later, he returned to public toilets and sees another next guy, but he has three streams of pee.
- What is the three jets?
- It is an old 1930 war wound.
Still, an hour later, he returned and saw another guy who throws fifteen pee. He asks:
- It is an old war wound, too?
- No, it's just that I'm too drunk to lower my zipper ...

 6 - vampire bat 

This is a bat covered in blood vampire who returns to his cave and zigzagging arises to prick a nap. But the other bats, awakened by the smell of blood, the harassing to where she has found both.
- Oh no! Let me sleep! Moaned the bat bloody
- I Will Not! Tell us where you got all that blood! shout the other. Finally, the bat bloody yields and told the others to follow. After ten minutes of silent flight into the night, they plunge into a valley, and then in a forest. And the entrance of a clearing bat bloody says:
- We are! You see that tree over there?
- Yes I Do! Yes I Do! shout the other vampire bat saliva in the mouth.
- Well, I had not seen ...

 7 - Bum
  
This is a man who comes out of a supermarket and sees a bum grazing grass. So this gentleman, eager to do a good deed offers to come and eat at home. Happy, vagabond asks if he can come with his wife and five children. It was then that the man replies:
- But there's no problem, I have at least a meter of grass home ...

 8 - Shooting Competition in archery. 

Shooting competition bow. 50m, a guy standing against a tree, an apple on her head, serves as a target.
The first shooter positions. It aims, shoots: tchac! right in the apple. The guy looks at the crowd: "... I'm William Tell"
The second shows up. It aims, shoots: tchac! right in the apple.
The guy looks at the crowd: "... I'm Robin of the Hood"
The third site. It aims, shoots: tchac! right between the eyes of the poor guy! He looks at the crowd, "I'm sorry ..."


 9 - Sentenced to death

It's a death row to the electric chair that takes its implementation. he asked the warder:
- What are we gonna do to me?
The warder replied:
- Relax, sit on this chair, we will update you!

 10 - In the American West 

It happens in the American West in the last century. In a city bar, there is a pic poster that says: "Food and drink for the one who will laugh my horse for a month".

A cowboy enters the bar and sees the poster and said that it was too easy and he will win. The bartender informed that the ad is this for a year and no one has ever succeeded. And he takes her to the barn. The cowboy between spring and five minutes later after whispering something to the horse.
The horse rolls on the ground so he laughs. Two months later, he comes back and the horse is always hilarious. In the bar, the bartender tells him that he is willing to give him two thousand dollars if he can do stop laughing because he can not even ride it.

It's very easy, replied the cowboy. And they both go to the barn. The cowboy between all alone and it appears five minutes later. The horse is in tears.

The bartender asks him how he did. And the cowboy said: The first time I told the horse I had a bigger than him and he laugh, the second time I showed him!

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