Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Third 10 Jokes

1 - In the pool 

This is the story of two boys trying to swim. One said to the other:
- I have good news and bad news.
- Start with the good, says the other boy.
- The good news is that according to the thermometer, the water has to warm up two degrees.
- And what's the bad news?
- It's not because of the sun ...

 2 - On the street 

In the street, a man asks Mrs Dupont:
- You would not have seen a policeman?
- I Do Not.
- Then give me your purse.

 3 - In the great ocean 

In the great ocean, a small wave is in love with the wind.
It asks tenderly
- You want me to make you a squall? or a hurricane?
- Oh no, I just want a little kiss ...

 4 - A plane 

In aircraft has reached its cruising altitude, the captain plug the microphone and announced to the passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude is 12,000 m altitude outside temperature is -60. degrees and our speed of Mach 1. " Then, unfortunately, he forgets to disconnect the microphone and told the co-pilot: "Continue alone to drive the machine I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'll skip my little hostess who just arrived in. our company ... "Red confusion, the hostess heard this monologue from the bottom of the cab back row of the plane to go and inform the commander of the big blunder. Then, in the middle of the cabin, an old lady down our hostess and said, "Gently, you have the time my little one, he said he first went to the bathroom!"

Third 10 Jokes

 5 - In a living

In the chat:
- Luc why hovels you still your foot?
- This is to prevent the wolves from approaching Robert.
- But there are no wolves here!
- You see, my thing works!

 6 - In an art gallery 

A painter goes to the gallery exhibited his works to gauge the interest in his paintings from art lovers.
The site manager explains bluntly:
-In Fact, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that an investor came the other day to an overall assessment of the works you present here. He asked us if your paintings take in value after your demise.
- And what did you say to him, asks the painter?.
- We told him no doubt, the prices of your works would double after death ... And he bought the 18 paintings on display.
- Excellent reacts painter!. And the bad news then?
The gallery owner said, a little hesitantly
- Well, is that this buyer, it is your GP!

 7 - Ask for his daughter 

The pretender Sylvie goes to see his father to ask the hand of his daughter:
- Mr. I want to marry your daughter.
- Have you seen my wife?
- Yes, but I prefer your daughter!

 8 - Devinnette rally 

How do you call a blind gathering?
The Cannes Film Festival ...

 9 - Sleeping with the window open 

Two men talking in a bar:
- It's good for your health to sleep with the window open!
- Why? You are a doctor?
- No, I'm burglar.

 10 - Funny Type

It's two types in the shower after a game of tennis ...... The first remark that the second has a huge cap down between the buttocks.

He said:
- Hey, did you see? You got a plug in the ass!
-.. Yes, yes, I know "replies the other, sighing That day before yesterday, I had yelled at my wife and I went out for a walk to calm down Walking, I mechanically kicked in an old oil lamp rusty.
- So what?
- Then a funny guy came out and started yelling "Hi, I'm Leo genius ... you have freed me ... I grant a wish."
- So what?
- So I answered annoyed: "Do not make me shit, OK!"

Second 10 Jokes

1 - Joking in the playground 

Three kids chatting in the playground.
- My father said the first, is so strong that swallows the smoke from his cigarette by mouth and spits it by the nose!
- Wow, that sucks. Mine, it swallowed by mouth and spits out the ears ...
- You tell bullshit, said the third. By cons, mine, he swallowed by mouth and he spits out the behind!
- The other two: No matter what, it is not possible !! The third spell underpants from his father his cartable.- And that's not traces of nicotine, perhaps?

 2 - Joke of the bus driver 

Do you know the joke of the bus driver? i dont no?
I either I was in the back of the bus!

 3 - Baker

A lady reproached his baker
- I'm sorry to tell you, but your bread is stale!
- A little respect, ma'am, I made bread before you soyiez born!
- Precisely what I blame you is not selling it now!

 4 - This is a guy who is at the hairdresser

This is a guy who is the barber and the barber who cut asks what he wants.
The guy replies: "I would like: Shaved on the left side, banana but just right and wrong, the brush on top but with a hole in the middle, the bald neck but with a few clumps here and there.
The barber replied that, this is not possible because it is not a cut.
The guy replies: Oh yeah, yet that is what you did to me last time ..

Funny Jokes

 5 - This is a guy who is invited to a big party.

This is a guy who is invited to a big party.
An hour after the start of the evening, he goes to the bathroom. He notices that the guy peeing next to him two jets.
- What is ....?
- Ah, my young lil is a war wound ...
An hour later, he returned to public toilets and sees another next guy, but he has three streams of pee.
- What is the three jets?
- It is an old 1930 war wound.
Still, an hour later, he returned and saw another guy who throws fifteen pee. He asks:
- It is an old war wound, too?
- No, it's just that I'm too drunk to lower my zipper ...

 6 - vampire bat 

This is a bat covered in blood vampire who returns to his cave and zigzagging arises to prick a nap. But the other bats, awakened by the smell of blood, the harassing to where she has found both.
- Oh no! Let me sleep! Moaned the bat bloody
- I Will Not! Tell us where you got all that blood! shout the other. Finally, the bat bloody yields and told the others to follow. After ten minutes of silent flight into the night, they plunge into a valley, and then in a forest. And the entrance of a clearing bat bloody says:
- We are! You see that tree over there?
- Yes I Do! Yes I Do! shout the other vampire bat saliva in the mouth.
- Well, I had not seen ...

 7 - Bum
  
This is a man who comes out of a supermarket and sees a bum grazing grass. So this gentleman, eager to do a good deed offers to come and eat at home. Happy, vagabond asks if he can come with his wife and five children. It was then that the man replies:
- But there's no problem, I have at least a meter of grass home ...

 8 - Shooting Competition in archery. 

Shooting competition bow. 50m, a guy standing against a tree, an apple on her head, serves as a target.
The first shooter positions. It aims, shoots: tchac! right in the apple. The guy looks at the crowd: "... I'm William Tell"
The second shows up. It aims, shoots: tchac! right in the apple.
The guy looks at the crowd: "... I'm Robin of the Hood"
The third site. It aims, shoots: tchac! right between the eyes of the poor guy! He looks at the crowd, "I'm sorry ..."


 9 - Sentenced to death

It's a death row to the electric chair that takes its implementation. he asked the warder:
- What are we gonna do to me?
The warder replied:
- Relax, sit on this chair, we will update you!

 10 - In the American West 

It happens in the American West in the last century. In a city bar, there is a pic poster that says: "Food and drink for the one who will laugh my horse for a month".

A cowboy enters the bar and sees the poster and said that it was too easy and he will win. The bartender informed that the ad is this for a year and no one has ever succeeded. And he takes her to the barn. The cowboy between spring and five minutes later after whispering something to the horse.
The horse rolls on the ground so he laughs. Two months later, he comes back and the horse is always hilarious. In the bar, the bartender tells him that he is willing to give him two thousand dollars if he can do stop laughing because he can not even ride it.

It's very easy, replied the cowboy. And they both go to the barn. The cowboy between all alone and it appears five minutes later. The horse is in tears.

The bartender asks him how he did. And the cowboy said: The first time I told the horse I had a bigger than him and he laugh, the second time I showed him!

The First 10 Jokes

1 - Car Accident

A man has just been hit by a car. The driver out of the car and said:
- You are very lucky we are right in front of the office of a doctor
- Yes I Do! except that the physician is me!

 2 - Matrimonial Agency 

A young woman who seeks to marry is inscribed in a matrimonial agency. It specifies the employee:
-I am bored ... As you see, I am blind. It may be difficult to find a party ...
- No, do not worry!
The tape used the description: "Young woman, two wonderful blue eyes, one less.

 3 - Alzheimer's or Parkinson

A guy asks his friend:
- You prefer to have Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's?
His friend replies:
- I do not know, you like what you?
And he said:
- I prefer parkinson because better to spill a drop of Ricard to forget to drink ...

 4 - Guardian Angel 

A man walking down the street when he heard a shout behind him:
"STOP! STOP IF YOU GO TAKE A BRICK IN THE HEAD"
The guy stops and at the same time, a brick that had detached from a building pass him before the nose. The guy turns person ...
Later, when he wants to cross the street, he still hears:
"STOP! STOP IF YOU DO YOU WILL TIP"
The guy stops, passes a car and as he sees no one behind him, he wonders aloud:
- Who are you?
The voice answers:
- I'm your guardian angel
And the guy replies:
- Oh yeah! And where were you when I got married then!

Funny Jokes

 5 - Elevator 

Three men in a lift: a French, a Japanese and an American. Japanese fate suddenly has a mobile phone and head well before others. The US wants to do better and pulls out a laptop the size of a calculator. It well with sham. The French also wanting to show off but having nothing, farts and told the other two that look the blushing: "It's nothing, I get a fax!"

 6 - At the movies 

The opener film warns the couple who came to the meeting with her baby:
- If the child cries, you will leave the room. Of course, we will reimburse you!
Half an hour after the start of the film, the husband looks at his wife:
- What do you think?
- This film is archinul!
- You're right, shakes so small.

 7 - At the restaurant 

At the restaurant, the boy asks the client:
- How have you found the steak?
- Quite by chance, by raising a fry!

 8 - In the supermarket

In a supermarket, two guys collide frontally with their caddies.
Unworthy, one of the two reclame:
- Hey! You can not pay attention to?
- Excuse me, I did not see you. I was looking for my wife.
- Look! What a coincidence! I too am looking for mine! And it's how your wife?
- Well, she is tall, dark, eyes of blue very deep, the extremely shapely legs, a generous chest, fleshy lips. She wears a black suit and decollete very tight, a little too much perhaps, and a transparent blouse. And you, how
is it?
- Oh, forget it! Come find your ...!

 9 - Beautiful Boat 

A father and son on the beach.
- Oh Dad, look at the beautiful boat
- Son, this is not a boat but a yacht
- Oh, and how to spell it?
- Uh ... waiting ... no, it is you who is right, it is a boat

 10 - joking has enver 

You want me to tell you a joke backwards?
- Ö.K.
- So begins laugh!
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